Subject: People (Page 105)

The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Occupations People Sports Work

It only takes a room of Americans for the English and Australians to realize how much we have in common.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Characteristics England People Places

The typical West of Ireland family consists of father, mother, twelve children and resident Dutch anthropologist.

(1911 – 1966) Irish novelist, dramatist & columnist
People Places

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
People

At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.

(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author
Characteristics Emotions Killing Laughter Men People Women

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence People School

You might be a redneck if… a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Beer Food/Drink People Rednecks

Bureaucrat: A person who cuts red tape sideways. 

Government People

You have taken yourself too seriously.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People Self

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author
Beliefs Emotions God People

The Welsh are just Italians in the rain.

(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Places

No nice men are good at getting taxis.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Men People

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
People

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Intelligence People

There are two types of people in this world: those who live in the cities… or ‘citizens’ as I call them… and those who live in the countryside… who shall remain nameless.

(1967 – ) English comedian
People

A bunch of bong-smoking, America-bashing, flag-burning, yoga-posing, incense-burning, dolphin-saving, salmon-eating hypocrites; these are the sensitive, liberal people who are always yelling about people's freedom of speech and expression, unless you happen to say something that pisses them off.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Fools Intelligence Mistakes People Problems

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

He reminds me of the kid in fifth grade who reminded the teacher she forgot to give the homework.

writer & comedian
People School

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Women

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there.

(1809 – 1882) English naturalist
People