Subject: People (Page 105)

All women marry beneath them.

Marriage Murphy’s Laws Women

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Self Sex

He reminds me of the kid in fifth grade who reminded the teacher she forgot to give the homework.

writer & comedian
People School

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot… unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Health People

There's something about me that makes a lot of people want to throw up.

(1934 – ) American singer & actor
Characteristics People Self

Men are animals and as such are entitled to human treatment and should not be trapped or shot or bred for food or fur.


Men People

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Intelligence People

If people listened to themselves more often, they'd talk less.

Communication Murphy’s Laws People Speech

The public is always wrong.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws People

Man does not control his own fate; the women in his life do that for him.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Men People Women

If men knew how to do it, they wouldn’t have to pay for it.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Men Money People Sex

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.


People

It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenics just because she lives in your body.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Health People Self

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Beliefs God People

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.

(1936 – ) American actor, director & screenwriter
Characteristics People World

Men are very strange.; when they wake up in the morning they want things like toast. I don’t have those recipes

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Food/Drink Men People

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

Age Appearance Body People

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating People Relationships Situations Women

The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

I don’t like my music, but what is my opinion against that of millions of others.

(1904 – 1988) Austrian-American composer
Entertainment Music People Self

Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse… but enough about Kanye West.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Reviews/Criticism