Subject: People (Page 110)

It’s like kissing Hitler.

(1925 – 2010) American film actor
People

Decisions are justified by the benefits to the organization, but they are made by considering the benefits to the decision-makers.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends People

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Mistakes People

So many men, so little time.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Time

If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, “Dude, thanks for the hammock.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Things

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Definitions Friends People

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Intelligence Men Thinking

Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Anger Emotions Girlfriends

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

The realization that it was not people I disliked but children was for me one of those celebrated moments of revelation.

(1922 – 1985) English poet & novelist
People

You might be a redneck if… you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence People Rednecks

If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer
Appearance Body Self

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for thousands of years, you know what their musical contribution is going to be?… Riverdance.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Entertainment Music People

Winners tell funny stories; losers holler "Deal!"

Murphy’s Laws People

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
People

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Characteristics People Situations

Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attraction of others.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics People

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men