Subject: People (Page 23)

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me, because she calls me her sixty-second lover.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girlfriends People Sex

I’m really no different than anybody else; except that sometimes I get my name in the paper.

Canadian professional hockey player
Hockey People Self Sports

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
People Self

Imagine being in a room filled with losers.

(1968 – ) Welsh comedian
Characteristics People

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Marriage Men

[George Bush] has the look about him of someone who might sit up and yip for a Dog Yummie.

(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist
Insults People

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Self Sports

I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks; the rest of them take after the other side of the family.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
America Characteristics Family Fathers People Places

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
People

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Beliefs God People

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

stand-up comedian
People Sex Things Women

I’m selling a “Bigfoot hunting for Christians” book because people who believe in both will obviously buy anything.

American comedian
People

You might be a redneck if… your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Sometimes people come up to me and they'll be like, 'In Italy, it's pronounced 'Bir-Bee-Lya’ … and I'm like, 'In America, you're annoying.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Language People Self

In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk… ladies, you fake orgasms… we fake listening.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
Communication Men People Relationships Women

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs People Religion Sex Women

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad; an optimist is a man who hopes they are.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Characteristics People Women

A birth-control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

American actor & comedian
Men People Sex

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.

(1803 – 1885) French writer & journalist
Animals Dogs People

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Conflict Crime People Self Ugly