Subject: Sex (Page 7)

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

I used to carry condoms, but I know I’ve got a better chance of getting a stomach ache than getting laid.

American comedian
Health Sex Situations

I remember what I was doing the first time I told someone I loved them… I was lying to get sex.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Emotions Love Sex Situations

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence Sex

My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night; now, we'll never see each other!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

My husband complained to; ‘I can’t remember when we last had sex,’ and I said; well I can and that’s why why we ain’t doin’ it.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Sex

Sex: The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Problems Sex Time

One time, my own father caught me watching a porno movie… the one thing you don’t want to hear in that situation is, ‘Son, move over.’

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Entertainment Family Fathers Sex

I feel like a million tonight… but one at a time.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Mary: Could the reason you can’t find a guy is because you’re letting them ride the rollercoaster without buying a ticket?

Penny: Oh, they don’t always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.

(1985 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

When you've been around as long as me… you'll know that there are three types of sex… One – brand-new, kitchen-table sex; Two – bedroom sex; then number three – hallway sex… when you pass each other in the hallway and say 'f**k you.’

(1958 – ) Australian author
Age Sex

The only difference between group sex and group therapy is that in group therapy you hear about everyone's problems and in group sex you see them.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Activities Sex

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me…maybe I put them on too soon.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Food/Drink Sex

Any idiot can get laid when they’re famous… that’s easy… it’s getting laid when you’re not famous that takes some talent.

(1958 – ) American film & theater actor
Sex Success

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

stand-up comedian
People Sex Things Women

Familiarity breeds attempt.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships Sex Wordplay

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Education Sex

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Sex

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities People Sex

If you believe that [Anna Kournikova's claim that she is a virgin], I've never questioned a call in my life.

American professional tennis player
Sex Sports

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one-on-one with as little dribbling as possible.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes