Subject: Situations (Page 3)

Did I already do my déjà vu joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Situations

Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.

(1599 – 1658) English military & political leader
Situations

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations

The great mass of men lead lives of quiet domestication.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Life People Situations

Let’s face facts, shall we?… There is a very real possibility that this could also be the last day of the rest of your life.

(1939 – ) television newscaster
Death Life Situations

All the good ones are taken.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

I picked up a hitchhiker… you've got to when you hit them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Situations

I put mirrors around all the light bulbs; now the electric company sends me a check each month.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Money Situations

He shot out of here like a bat out of a belfry.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Mixed metaphors Situations

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Proverbs Situations Time

Gee, what a terrific party… later on we’ll get some fluid and embalm each other.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Insults Situations

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.


Communication Situations Wordplay

There ought to be a better way of starting the day than having to get up.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Life Situations

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was ‘Always.’

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Relationships Situations

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex; we’re not even that loud, but he used to date my girlfriend.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Situations

Before he died my father told me he never really walked to school without any shoes.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Death Fathers School Situations

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows; when I woke up, my pillow was missing.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Situations Sleep

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?

cartoon character, created by Hank Ketcham (1920 – 2001)
Problems Situations

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

America Places Situations

Most projects require three hands.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations