Subject: Things » Autos (Page 2)

What a stupid car – that's like having a Rolex clock radio.

comedian
Autos Things

Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

(1971 – ) American actor, director & producer
Autos TV/Movie Quotes

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

A girl in the convertible is worth five in the phone book.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Autos People Things Women

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

When I was 15 years old, I got my learner’s permit, which meant that the state of Florida was now obligating me to learn to drive with the two worst drivers in the world: my mom and my dad.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Autos Driving Family Parents Situations

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

You do not need to put an Obama sticker on a Prius… we get it.


Autos Beliefs Things

I bought a perfect second car… a tow truck.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Autos New York City Places

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Dogs Things

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

Traffic Light: A trick to get pedestrians halfway across the street safely.

Autos Definitions Things

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

I play the harmonica, but only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Music Things

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

I don't have any trouble parking; I drive a forklift.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Autos Things

I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it; I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Health Things

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things