Subject: Things (Page 38)

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

You might be a redneck if… the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

A component’s degree of reliability is directly proportional to its ease of accessibility (i.e., the harder it is to get to, the more often it breaks down).

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Arms Games Murphy’s Laws Things

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

What a lucky thing the wheel was invented before the automobile; otherwise can you imagine the awful screeching?

(1890 – 1947) Russian-American screenwriter & musical composer
Autos Things

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Men Things Time Women

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

Things

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

A patent is a legal analog of sticky fly paper: it attracts some of the lowest forms of life.


Things

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

If you can't fix it, feature it.

Murphy’s Laws Things

No shoelace ever broke being untied.

Murphy’s Laws Things

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Autos Driving Intelligence Things

Photograph: A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions Things

It is difficult to see why lace should be so expensive; it is mostly holes.

(1880 – ?) American author
Things