Subject: Work (Page 22)

Love is the only industry which can't operate on a five-day week.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

First of all, I choose the great [roles], and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.

(1933 – ) English actor

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

It's on the other side.

Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

The relationionship of an agent to a publisher is that of a knife to a throat.

(1927 – ) American Talent & literary agency executive

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

Sometimes I wish I could do at least one thing at a time.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Every woman should marry an archaeologist because she grows increasingly attractive to him as she grows increasingly to resemble a ruin.

(1890 – 1976) British crime writer of novels, short stories & plays

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession a good accountant is a debit to his profession.

(1797 – 1875) American accountant

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Astronomer: Night watchman.

A homeless guy asked me for 2 pounds, so I gave him 1.67 because that’s what a woman would get paid for doing the same job.

British comedian

“Pickup artists” and “garbagemen” should switch names.

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

(1915 – 1998) American professor of literature