Author: Anonymous Page 134

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

“Nobody has scored yet in the tennis game,” said Tom lovingly.

Tom Swifties

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

She couldn’t catch a cold if it had handles.

Expressions

“My wife is going to have a test tube baby”, Tom injected artificially.

Tom Swifties

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

“Come up to my apartment,” Tom said flatly.

Tom Swifties

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

Intelligence

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

He is so old… he owes Jesus a quarter.

Age Exaggerations Old

Once you open a can of worms, they always come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

He’s so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

“Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

Tom Swifties

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Definitions

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

To the max degree

Mixed metaphors

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

Age Appearance Body People

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People