Author: Anonymous Page 135

Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.

Education School

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Beliefs Proverbs

“I was raised in a foster home,” said Tom transparently.

Tom Swifties

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Activities Characteristics Exercise

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Hospital Bed: A parked taxi with the meter running.

Definitions

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

I'm going to have to kick it off by hand.

Mixed metaphors

“Here’s another baseball glove”, Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.

Boxing Definitions Sports

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

“How long will I have to wait for a table?” asked Tom without reservation.

Tom Swifties

Noise: Earitation.

Definitions

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

She is going to join the gym to lose some weights.

Activities Exercise Misspokements