Author: Anonymous Page 135

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

He is so dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

“So only one person arrived at the party before I did?” Tom second-guessed.

Tom Swifties

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.

Activities Definitions

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Mixed metaphors

She’s suffering from a detached rectum.

Malaprops

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

Books Communication

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

Definitions

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

“My pants are too tight,” Tom burst out.

Tom Swifties

Harder’n baptizing a cat.

Expressions

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

“I won’t tell you anything about my salivary glands,” said Tom secretively.

Tom Swifties

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

The whole ball of worms

Malaprops