Author: Anonymous Page 15

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Definitions Money

He’s not the one with his ass in a noose.

Mixed metaphors

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Wood: That remarkable material which burns so easily in a forest and with such difficulty in a fireplace.

Definitions

The Frankincense Monster

Malaprops

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

Adage: To become older.

Definitions

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

Food/Drink

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour.

Definitions

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation.

Mixed metaphors

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

An apple a day doesn’t from the tree.

Mixed metaphors

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Hotter than a depot stove

Expressions Science/Weather

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Things