Author: Anonymous Page 15

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Body Cold Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

The crust of the problem

Malaprops

She's tall enough to go duck huntin' with a rake.

Appearance Body Expressions

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

She has got 10 foot pole marks all over her.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Conflict Crime People

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.

Animals Definitions

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

A seven pound baby arrived last night to frighten the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Sherman Caswell.

Malaprops

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

Consult: To seek another’s approval of a course already decided upon.

Definitions

The town had the coldest temperature in all the contagious states.

America Malaprops Places

Weed: A plant whose virtues have not been discovered.

Definitions

It's a long road to hoe

Malaprops

An apple a day doesn’t from the tree.

Mixed metaphors