Author: Anonymous Page 15

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions

“I’ve joined the navy,” Tom said fleetingly.

Tom Swifties

“This is the fastest way to get drunk,” said Tom quixotically.

Tom Swifties

That's putting the chicken before the cart.

Mixed metaphors

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

He couldn’t grow pole beans in a pile of horse shit.

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees.

Miscellaneous

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Diplomat: If you have the advantage over someone, and you lead him to think that he has the advantage over you, without giving him the chance to take advantage of you.

Definitions Government

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Sewing Circle: A group of women who needle each other.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors

He was watching me like I was a hawk.

Mixed metaphors

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

It is better to be on penicillin, than never to have loved at all.

Emotions Love

Silence: True wisdom’s best reply.

Definitions Wisdom