Author: Anonymous Page 150

“This boat leaks,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

Mixed metaphors

You've put your finger right on the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Now the shoe is on the other horse!

Mixed metaphors

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I’m going to lie in the sun,” said Tom in Basque.

Tom Swifties

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.

Tom Swifties

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

Money is the roof of all evil.

Malaprops

Please excuse Betty from school Tuesday, she had a cold and could not breed well.

Health Malaprops