Author: Anonymous Page 153

Remember, Rome wasn’t burned an a day.

Mixed metaphors

“I was removed from office,” said Tom disappointedly.

Tom Swifties

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Conscience: A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything – just keeps you from enjoying it.

Definitions

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

“I got demoted,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

“The prisoners set up a company,” the warden confirmed.

Tom Swifties

“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.

Tom Swifties

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

There's a traumatic difference between the two.

Malaprops

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.

Tom Swifties

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening… but this wasn't it.

Situations

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

Characteristics People

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Beliefs Sex

“I like ragged margins,” said Tom without justification.

Tom Swifties

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

Malaprops

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink