Author: Anonymous Page 153

If there’s ever a price on your head – take it.

Insults

… quicker than any other slowdowns

Mixed metaphors

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Animals Exaggerations Places

Long road to hoe

Malaprops

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

Age Appearance Body People

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

Insults

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

Definitions

“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.

Tom Swifties

He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp.

Mixed metaphors

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

You hit the nail right on the nose.

Mixed metaphors

A duck on a hot tin roof.

Mixed metaphors

“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.

Tom Swifties

 “Your Honor, you’re crazy!” said Tom judgmentally.

Tom Swifties

Once the horse is out of the barn, you can't put him back again.

Mixed metaphors

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

Education Insults