Author: Anonymous Page 29

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

“It’s my maid’s night off,” said Tom helplessly.

Tom Swifties

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.

Tom Swifties

Philosophers: People who talk about something they don’t understand, and make you think it’s your fault.

Definitions Intelligence People

Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

Communication Definitions Language

He looked very thin and emancipated.

Appearance Body Malaprops

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

“That city will never be rebuilt,” the prophets babble on.


Tom Swifties

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

… to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

Malaprops

Never put all your eggs in one omelet.

Mixed metaphors

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

“It only looks like cocaine,” Tom snorted.

Tom Swifties

He ran a cottage industry from his garden shed.

Mixed metaphors