Author: Anonymous Page 46

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

“I was raised in a foster home,” said Tom transparently.

Tom Swifties

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Activities Games Situations

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Armadillo: Possum on the half shell.

Animals Definitions

We've howdied but we ain't shook yet.

Expressions

As we consider the road that unfolds before us.

Mixed metaphors

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I think the big guns will come to the boil.

Mixed metaphors

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

A loose tongue spoils the broth.

Mixed metaphors

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

Characteristics

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Beer Science/Weather

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Situations

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties