Author: Anonymous Page 8

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Animals Cats

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Age Definitions

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

“I hate math,” Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

“What’s the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.

Tom Swifties

“Phew! I’ve just finished learning all Shakespeare’s works,” said Tom willfully.

Tom Swifties

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful.

Malaprops

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

The bigger the mouth, the better it looks shut.

Communication Speech

That e-mail was from Ann On.

Misspokements

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Definitions People

There's more than one way to spin a rat.

Malaprops

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

Problems