Author: Anonymous Page 83

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Emotions Love Sex

There is no pancreas to the whole world's problems.

Malaprops

Kill two birds with one egg

Mixed metaphors

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things

Free Verse: Verse written without rhyme or reason.

Definitions Reading/Writing

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

Age Exaggerations Old

Good punctuation means not to be late.

Malaprops Time

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Communication Language

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.

Tom Swifties

Happier than a pig in slop

Emotions Expressions Happiness

Committee: A group which succeeds in getting something done only when it consists of three members, one of whom happens to be sick and the other absent.

Definitions

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Gorilla see, gorilla do.

Mixed metaphors

She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Money Wealth Work

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Characteristics Communication Lies