Author: Anonymous Page 9

“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.

Tom Swifties

“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.

Tom Swifties

Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.

Democracy Government

That was the last hump on the camel.

Mixed metaphors

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Acme: Spots on the top of your head.

Definitions

Misnomer: The right name for the wrong word.

Communication Definitions Language

The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

Beliefs Opinion

She has really plummeted to the top of the charts.

Malaprops

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

You're making a mountain out of a Mohawk.

Malaprops

The Frankincense Monster

Malaprops

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Definitions

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

“Aha! Here’s someone who can’t speak!” exclaimed Tom dumbfoundedly.

Tom Swifties

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

Definitions Women

I never liked him and I always will.

Insults