Author: Alfred E. Neuman

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

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Fools Intelligence

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

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Entertainment

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

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Work

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

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Government Politicians

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

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Characteristics Exercise Work

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

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Money Time

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

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Communication Intelligence Speech

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

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Food/Drink Money

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

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Crime Honesty Places World

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

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Communication Conversation Speech

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

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Characteristics Friends Old People

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

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Money

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

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Communication Government Politics Speech

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

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Age Appearance Body Old

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

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Golf People Sports

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations