Author: Alfred E. Neuman

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine