Subject: Activities (Page 8)

I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal; let me rephrase that – I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because prostitution is legal.

American comedian & writer
Activities Places Travel

In Swan Lake, I was the lifeguard.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Entertainment

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Boxing is a great exercise… as long as you can yell 'cut' whenever you want to.

(1946 – ) American actor
Activities Boxing Entertainment Exercise Film Sports

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Housework Work

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

There's no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn't get any worse.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Housework Situations Work

I was in Connecticut recently… doing white people stuff.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Activities People

The score never interested me, only the game.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games

It’s easy to tell when you’ve got a bargain – it doesn’t fit.

Activities Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Games Money

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, “Do you want these in a bag?” I said, “Oh, no, man, I juggle.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

You know how you're going to die, you just don't know when.

comedian
Activities Death Places

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

American comedian & television host
Alcohol Drugs Marriage

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

When traveling with children… at least one child of any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly halfway between any two given rest areas.

Activities Children Family Murphy’s Laws Travel

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor
Activities Age Old

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Activities Age Old