Subject: Appearance (Page 4)

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Appearance Body Old

If God had wanted women to have giant… fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Women

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

We know Jesus can’t have been English; he is always wearing sandals, but never with socks.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Appearance England Places

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she's been givin’ me lately.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

In her last days, she resembled a spoiled pear.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance Insults

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool; I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Situations

I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don't tan – I stroke!

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

Elly has more curves than a goat-path.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

My school colors were clear; we used to say, “I’m not naked, I’m in the band.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Clothing

[Abraham Lincoln’s] weathered face was homely as a plowed field.

(1898 – 1943) American writer & poet
Appearance

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive; it makes it so you could care less that they’re ugly.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Food/Drink

I don’t really like knees.

(1936 – 2008) French fashion designer
Appearance Body

Christians can have big tits, too.

(1921 – 2011) American film actress & sex symbol
Appearance Beliefs Body Religion

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Appearance Body Fat

Fat: Energy gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat

All these guys with six pack abs, and I'm the only one with a keg.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Appearance Body TV/Movie Quotes

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Appearance Body Characteristics Fat

Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance Insults