Subject: Appearance (Page 44)

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

Her only flair is in her nostrils.

(1919 – 2001) American film critic
Appearance Reviews/Criticism

If you can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle, then you’re fat.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Fat

I am not… totally unreceptive to color providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Tact is the art of telling someone to lose thirty pounds without ever using the word “fat.”

Characteristics Fat Murphy’s Laws

The only reason she made it to the top was because her clothes didn't.

Appearance Body Clothing Success

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash [mine] for a month.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

Claire: Your hair looks good, the curls work. Why don’t you get a perm?
Rose Morgan: I tried that once, I looked like Shirley Temple on crack.

(1942 – ) American singer-songwriter, actress, writer, film producer & director
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

Gal reminds me of the highway between Forth Worth and Dallas – no curves.

cartoon character (Mel Blanc)
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Body Emotions

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Body Sex Women

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Is that your wife? … Oh, well, keep your chin up.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Fat Insults

A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence… it protects the property without obstructing the view.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Appearance Body Clothing

I like what mechanics wear… overall.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Communication Language

I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last Christmas she stood under the mistletoe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Appearance Insults

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.

(1889 – 1963) French poet, novelist, playwright, artist & filmmaker
Appearance Clothing Sex

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Things