Subject: Appearance (Page 53)

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

You might be a redneck if… you have more belt-buckles than pants.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

Never in the history of fashion has so little material been raised so high to reveal so much that needs to be covered so badly.

(1904 – 1980) English photographer, interior, stage & costume designer
Appearance Clothing

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body

I’m actually really intelligent; and I’m blonde, which is like… the trifecta.

comedian
Appearance Intelligence

Claire: Your hair looks good, the curls work. Why don’t you get a perm?
Rose Morgan: I tried that once, I looked like Shirley Temple on crack.

(1942 – ) American singer-songwriter, actress, writer, film producer & director
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

In the 1950's only seven percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Appearance Hair People Women

Maternity sweater, $52. Comes in unisex sizes.

Classifieds Clothing

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Girls

You might be a redneck if… you work with a shirt off… and so does your husband.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing Husbands People Rednecks

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Self

I’m a character actor, which is a polite way of saying ‘ugly.’

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Occupations Ugly Work

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence Men People Stupidity

I’ve got a slight weight problem… I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian
Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes

Went to the beach today; I could feel the women just dressing me with their eyes.

television writer, producer & director
Appearance Body Situations