Subject: Beliefs (Page 25)

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me – I quit."

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Death God

O Lord, if there is a Lord, save my soul, if I have a soul.

(1823 – 1892) French philosopher & historian
Beliefs Religion

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Facts Science/Weather

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

I have a bit of advice for hungry young comedians – eat something.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Beliefs Opinion

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty

A conservative is a man who does not think that anything should be done for the first time.

(1864 – 1937) American banker, Assistant Secretary of Treasury
Beliefs Characteristics Opinion

Faith can move mountains, but not furniture.

Beliefs Proverbs

Gods like to see an atheist around… gives them something to aim at.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Beliefs God

B’nai Briss

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Malaprops Religion

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Beliefs Communication Murphy’s Laws

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Beliefs Dogs Honesty Truth

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

writer
Beliefs

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Beliefs God Religion Wordplay

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Communication Death God

Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

He will even tell a lie when it is not convenient to.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Beliefs Honesty Lies

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

The play opened at 8:40 sharp and closed at 10:40 dull.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Entertainment Opinion

I wanted to do a show about feminism… but my husband wouldn’t let me.


Beliefs