Subject: Communication (Page 70)

I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor, comedian, author & radio personality
Baseball Communication Language

‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said?’ asks the son. ‘Yes.’

(Daniel Barker) British comedian, voice-artist & actor
Communication Occupations Speech Work

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language Money

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

(1906 – 1965) psychologist & speech pathologist
Communication Language

The word 'spermicide' sounds like something sperms would do as a last resort; 'I'm not going out there anymore. I can't take it.'

stand-up comedian & actor
Language Science/Weather

Twitter makes you like people you don’t know, and Facebook makes you hate people you do

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Another term for a balloon is a bad breath holder.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

Plagiarism is the highest form of art just as theft is the highest form of commerce.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication

You will, Oscar, you will.

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Communication Speech

Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. “I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

Democracy means government by discussion but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Communication Democracy Government Speech

Homer also wrote the Oddity.

Books Malaprops Reading/Writing

If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Communication Honesty Killing Truth

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Communication Money Reading/Writing

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

Communication Language Malaprops

Three may keep a secret… if two of them are dead.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Communication People

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

Avant-garde? … That’s French for bullshit.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
Communication Language