Subject: Communication (Page 70)

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Entertainment Life Reading/Writing

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.


Communication Reading/Writing

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics Communication Speech

You can wait here in the sitting room, or you can sit here in the waiting room.

American comedy troupe
Communication Wordplay

If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Communication People Self Speech

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

My one claim to originality among Irishmen is that I never made a speech.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Communication Places Speech

The difference between burlesque and the newspapers is that the former never pretended to be performing a public service by exposure.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Communication Reading/Writing

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store I just flip to the about the author section… I’m like, “Done, next!”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Reading/Writing

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication England People Places Speech

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Books Communication People Reading/Writing Self

“Pickup artists” and “garbagemen” should switch names.

Occupations Wordplay Work

I will not go down in posterity talking bad grammar.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Communication Reading/Writing

German in the most extravagantly ugly language – it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

(1937 – 1996) English cartoonist, satirist, comedian & actor
Communication Insults Language

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

A writer without confidence is like a metaphor without something to compare itself to.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Communication Reading/Writing

I think they named the orange before the carrot.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication

Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Communication Conversation Speech