Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Food/Drink
(Page 19)
Romanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.
‘Zero’ Mostel
(1915 – 1977) American actor of stage and screen
Cooking
Food/Drink
Romanian-Yiddish
When I visit China I like to get Chinese food… ff course, over there they just call it food.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink
Places
China
Chinese food
You're supposed to eat the cows; they're great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.
Dylan Moran
(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Animals
Eating
Food/Drink
Life
Cows
“I liquidated my assets” is a better way of saying I spent my paycheck on booze.
Zac Felts
American comedian
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Diet: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Diet
There’s many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.
Proverb
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Proverbs
If Dracula bit Dean [Martin] in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.
Red Buttons
(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor
Alcohol
Food/Drink
People
Dean Martin
Dracula
I think Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities
Food/Drink
Games
Foosball
Shish kabobs
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
Alan King
(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink
Health
Life
Bran
Toilet
In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, 'Sorry, we're open.’
Roseanne Barr
(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink
Places
Restaurants
Tulsa
Get a man a beer, he drinks for five minutes – show him where they are, he drinks all day.
Anthony LaPaglia
(1959 – ) Australian actor
Alcohol
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Simon Moon in “Frasier”
You better cut the pizza in four pieces… I’m not hungry enough to eat eight.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Eating
Food/Drink
Yogi-isms
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.
William Butler Yeats
(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Insults
People
Drunk
If a piece of buttered toast falls, it will land face down.
Payn's Law
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Toast
The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
Calkin's Law of Menu Language
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Menus
Sam: What’d you like Normie?
Norm: A reason to live. Give me another beer.
Norm
George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer
TV/Movie Quotes
As Norm Peterson in “Cheers”
When I was pregnant, my friends sneered: ‘Eating for two, are we?’… I said, get lost, I’m not cutting down.
‘Jo’ Brand
(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance
Body
Eating
Food/Drink
Pregnancy
I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.
Totie Fields
(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Eating
Food/Drink
Time
Diets
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.
Thiessen's Law of Gastronomy
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Butter
Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Food/Drink
People
Delicatessen
Jews
Pastrami
White bread
I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out of the hamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.
George Foreman
(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing
Eating
Food/Drink
Sports
Page 19 of 47
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