Subject: Food/Drink (Page 24)

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Alcohol Characteristics Doctors Health

Diet: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

Alcohol Beer Murphy’s Laws

At my house we pray AFTER we eat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Eating Food/Drink

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Eating Food/Drink Mothers Ugly

Chili represents your three stages of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink

Woody: What’s up?

Norm: The warranty on my liver.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches – two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Money Poverty

Don’t you think the road commissioner would be willing to pay my wife something for her recipe for pie crust?

(1872 – 1933) 30th U.S. president
Cooking Food/Drink

A balanced meal is whatever stays on the spoon en route to a baby’s mouth.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Children Family Food/Drink

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Taxes

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Age Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Old

The announcement of the disqualification was greeted by booze from the spectators at the pool.

Alcohol Food/Drink Sports

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

When my mother had to get dinner for eight she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Cooking Eating Food/Drink

I don’t wanna die tomorrow knowing that I could have had a piece of chocolate cake tonight.

(1976 – ) American comedian
Eating Food/Drink

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Food/Drink

We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

Eating Expressions Food/Drink Money Poverty

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.

(1932 – 2014) American singer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

Lunchableswould be so good if they were made with food.


American comedian
Food/Drink