Subject: Food/Drink (Page 29)

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Wordplay

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian
Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer Food/Drink Golf Sports

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Definitions Food/Drink

[to campers] Attention. Here’s an update on tonight’s dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight’s mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed “some kind of beef.”

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much

Alcohol Book Titles

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Past Things Time

Watermelon it’s a good fruit; you eat, you drink, you wash your face.

(1873 – 1921) Italian operatic tenor
Food/Drink

I didn't climb to the top of the f**kin' food chain to eat carrots.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Food/Drink

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

This greasy spoon restaurant was so bad, on the menu there were even flies in the pictures.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Food/Drink

I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed… she said one pig in the blanket was enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Food/Drink Situations

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Farkerhouse rolls.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Food/Drink Malaprops

They say Flintstone's vitamins are chewable; all vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste shitty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Money Wealth

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

Alcohol Doctors Food/Drink Health

They were persecuted at the turn of the century by the U.S. government – that's right: Prohibition.

comedian, television writer
Alcohol Food/Drink People