Subject: Food/Drink (Page 42)

He's got a nutritionist, and I've got room service.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Eating Food/Drink Sports

Cookie: A standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat.

Definitions Food/Drink

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed… she said one pig in the blanket was enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Food/Drink Situations

I love defenseless animals… especially in good gravy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Food/Drink

In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

Smith to witness: So, you were as drunk as a judge?
Judge (interjecting): You mean as drunk as a lord?
Smith: Yes, My Lord.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Now don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin’ ‘em more… fun to pet, better to chew.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Eating Food/Drink

I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. She’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive… the refrigerator.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

Cheese – milk's leap toward immortality.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host
Food/Drink Time

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist Cathy
Emotions Food/Drink Love Mothers Work

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 a.m.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Food/Drink People

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

I don’t have a drinking problem, except when I can’t get a drink.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovies.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

Animals Food/Drink

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

Put it back in the horse!

(1907 – 1976) American journalist & humorist
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Insults