Subject: Health (Page 24)

My dentist found a new way to cover up his bad breath… he holds up his arms

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Health

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

I had some eyeglasses… I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Health Time

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.

Doctors Health Proverbs

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician
Doctors Health

I used to carry condoms, but I know I’ve got a better chance of getting a stomach ache than getting laid.

American comedian
Health Sex Situations

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Doctors Health

Healthy is just a precancerous condition.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Health

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Health Time

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Probably a torn filament right there in the kneecap.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

New Sick Policy Requires 2-day Notice

Headlines Health

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.

comedian
Health Wordplay