Subject: Health (Page 24)

I feel like death eatin’ a soda cracker.

Expressions Health

I used to believe that chiropractors where charlatans, but then I went to one, and now I stand corrected.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Doctors Health

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.

comedian
Health Wordplay

A hospital is no place to be sick.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Health Places

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.

(1932 – 1963) novelist & poet
Health

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

I had some eyeglasses… I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

What do we want? — A cure for dyslexia.
When do we want it? — Own.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Health

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

… expensive care

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Activities Drugs Emotions Health Laughter

Psychiatrist to patient: You’re suffering from paranoia… anyone’ll tell you.

(1928 – ) English cartoonist
Health

I have Bright's Disease… and he has mine.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Health Wordplay

I swam in the dead sea when it was only critically ill.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities Health Places

If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Health

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Health

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health