Subject: Health (Page 24)

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS; I didn’t know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Health

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

comedian
Doctors Health People Self

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others; he gave me one with four cavities.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Health

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Health Marriage Wives

Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Health Television

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

The Resistance of Piles to Penetration

Book Titles Health

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

(1875 – 1965) German/French theologian, organist, philosopher, physician & medical missionary
Emotions Happiness Health Intelligence Memory

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

Oh, last week was a rough week, I noticed my gums were shrinking… I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Situations

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee

And I’ll forgive the allergies.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Health

Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers

Doctors Headlines

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health Wordplay

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Health

It's no longer a question of staying healthy; it's a question of finding a sickness you like.

(1934 – ) comedian
Health

Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws