Subject: Health (Page 7)

I'm addicted to placebos; I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health Situations

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

I thought my doctor said I was heading for a rave.

Doctors Epitaphs

As I get older I'm going to hear "You look great" a lot less than I'm going to hear "You look sick.”

American stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Health Old

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Health Situations

Never say “oops” while your patient is conscious.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws Problems

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Age Health Old

If medicine has made so much progress in the last 30 years, how come I felt better 30 years ago?

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Health

My cholesterol count has a comma.

(1964 – 2014) American actor, Broadway performer & stand-up comedian
Health Self

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Do you think that suppository is gonna be safe from me there, Edith?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

I have the biggest crush on my dentist; I’ve been doing everything to see him; I gargle with Coke.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Emotions Health

He died of cirrhosis of the liver… it costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Death Health Money

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician
Doctors Health

The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job… especially if you’ve got hay fever

(1964 – ) English comedian
Health Occupations Work

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health People Self

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Doctors Health

Down Home Gynecology

Book Titles Health

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Health Old Places

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia; not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.


(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion
Education Health Learning School