Subject: Marriage (Page 18)

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Men People Wives

One of my favorite oxymorons is engagement party.

writer, website creator
Marriage Sex

Lately, I think that my wife has been fooling around because our parrot keeps saying, ‘Give it to me hard and fast before my husband, Jon Katz, comes home; and, yes, I’d love a cracker.’

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Marriage Wives

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Divorce Marriage Money Time

The trouble with being best man is, you don’t get a chance to prove it

(1938 – ) Australian poet & critic
Marriage

I thought when I was 41, I would be married with kids… well, to be honest I thought I would be married with weekend access.

(1965 – ) British-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Family Marriage

Husbands are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives.

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol
Husbands Marriage Wives

My first wife, I’ll never forget her… and I’ve tried.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Marriage Wives

My wife is Hawaiian; well… no she’s not, but she’s shaped like a pineapple.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Wives

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Happiness Marriage

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

They weren't really weddings, just long costume parties.

(1920 – 2002) American singer
Marriage

You know what I did before I married? … anything I wanted to.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

You might be a redneck if… you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things Wives

I never mind my wife having the last word; in fact, I’m delighted when she gets to it.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

Marriage

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Marriage

After seven years of marriage, I am sure of two things: first, never wallpaper together, and second, you’ll need two bathrooms – both for her.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Marriage

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Marriage Sex