Subject: Marriage (Page 22)

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last forty years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Eating Food/Drink Marriage

Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

(1924 – 2014) American actress & model
Husbands Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Marriage

She was another of his near Mrs.

Communication Language Marriage Relationships Wordplay

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
Appearance Clothing Marriage

Sex drive—a physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Marriage Sex

Having one wife is called monotony.

Malaprops Marriage

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Men People

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage

If thee marries for money, thee surely will earn it.

Wisconsin politician, professor & writer
Marriage Money

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Insults Marriage

Husband: A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.

Definitions Marriage

You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Money Sports Wives

I had to go by the drug store to get some marital aids: breath mints for you and Wild Turkey for me!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

Bigamist: A man who who has had one too many.

Definitions Marriage

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Conflict Marriage Wives

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Marriage Things

Al: Anything for dinner, Peg?

Peg: Get a wife!

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes