Subject: Money (Page 6)

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor

A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich.

(1763 – 1848) German-American, first multi-millionaire in the U.S.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian

Put your monkey where your mouth is.

I need to make as much as my wife so I don’t have to try so hard in bed.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Never criticize Americans… they have the best taste that money can buy.

(1941 – 2008) British journalist, musician &broadcaster

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist

After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you had before.

Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

You’re supposed to spend two months worth of salary on an engagement ring, so when I get engaged, some lucky lady will receive a piece of Life Savers candy.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time.

(1924 – 1997) Dutch-American artist

It's only when the tide goes out that you discover who's been swimming naked.

(1930 – ) financier & investment businessman

If horse racing is the sport of kings, then drag racing must be the sport of queens.

boxing writer & sports historian

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you cannot tear the toilet paper.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer

They were living high on the cob.