Subject: People (Page 20)

Ask anybody over 30 – if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know they’re counting co-workers.

American comedian & television host
Age Friends Old People

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Individuals Work

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Emotions People

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal; he's always had an agent do that.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty People Politics

Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It’s been along for years… it’s called cash.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities People Shopping Women

All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.

American writer
Intelligence Self

My girl works at Hooters… in the kitchen.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Work

The best way to turn a woman's head is to tell her she has a beautiful profile.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
People Women

The bulk of mankind is as well equipped for flying as thinking.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Intelligence People Thinking

Before borrowing from a friend, decide which you need most.

Friends Money People Young

You might be a redneck if… you use a NASCAR credit card.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Do not argue with an idiot; he/she will drag you down to his/her level and beat you with experience.

Fools Intelligence People

Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.

Australian comedian & actress
Men People

You might be a redneck if… you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Hey, I don’t get respect from anyone… why, American Airlines thanked me for flying United.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People Self

Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Intelligence People Reading/Writing Stupidity

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

You speak it the same way you speak English, you just use different words.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Communication Language People Speech

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
People Sex