Subject: People (Page 41)

I was born in 1962… and the room next to me was 1963.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age People Self

Those with the best advice offer no advice.

Murphy’s Laws People

Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are already taken and the ones left are either too small or disabled.

Men People

Any jackass can kick down a barn but it takes a good carpenter to build one.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
People

With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes; with male menopause you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Fat Men People Women

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

(1921 –2003) American editorial & war cartoonist
People Self Situations

I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.

American comedian & writer
Children People

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

(1951 – ) U.S. senator (Minnesota), political commentator, comedian & writer
Characteristics People Self

My wife is a sex object; every time I ask for sex, she objects.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
People Sex Women

The Irish people do not gladly suffer common sense.

(1878 – 1957) Irish poet, author, athlete & politician
Intelligence People Places

I just moved into a new house – so I had to go door to door to notify my neighbors that I am a registered sex offender… I’m not really, but it keeps those f**king kids out of my yard!

comedian
People Self

It is hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer
People

I broke up with this girl… I can't tell you her real name, of course, because – well, she didn't tell me her real name.

comedian
Dating People Relationships

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity.

British politician
People Sports Time

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

We have in England a curious belief in first-rate people, meaning all the people we do not know; and this consoles us for the undeniable second-rateness of the people we do know.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Characteristics England People Places

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage People Rednecks Wives

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Autos People Places

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author
Beliefs Emotions God People

Mark Twain once said, ‘Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand’ … but it was Shania Twain who said, ‘Man, I feel like a woman.’

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
People