Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
People
(Page 60)
Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
People
Economist
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars
Anonymous
Men
People
Women
All modern men are descended from a wormlike creature… but it shows more on some people.
Will Cuppy
(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
History
People
Time
Descendants
Evolution
Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.
Billy Connolly
(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Men
People
Sex
Women
Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.
Adrienne Gusoff
writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Men
Sex
Things
Women
Heart
Unbeknownst to most historians, Einstein started down the road of professional basketball before an ankle injury diverted him to science.
Gary Larson
(1950 – ) American cartoonist
The Far Side
People
Science/Weather
Albert Einstein
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Marvin Kitman
(1929 – ) American media critic
People
Cowards
Heroes
An expert really doesn't know anymore than you do. He is merely better organized and has slides.
Van Oech's Law
Murphy’s Laws
People
Experts
Knowledge
You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing
People
Rednecks
Funeral homes
Tube-tops
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock
(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
People
Women
Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle.
Edna Ferber
(1885 – 1968) American writer
Marriage
People
Women
Old maid
Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
People
Young
Younger Generation
I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Beliefs
God
People
Hippies
Rain
Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Mixed Company
I don’t like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I’m both; well, I’m not black – but if I was then I could dance better.
Iliza Shlesinger
(1983 – ) American comedian
People
Blacks
Jews
Only a man who has loved a woman of genius can appreciate what happiness there is in loving a fool.
Charles de Talleyrand-Périgord
(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat
Fools
Intelligence
Marriage
Men
Women
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Helen Rowland
(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Emotions
Happiness
Love
People
Women
Understand
The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.
Anonymous
People
Arguments
Neighbors
The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.
Chuck Palahniuk
(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Emotions
Individuals
Love
People
Being a star has made it possible for me to get insulted in places where the average Negro could never hope to go and get insulted.
Sammy Davis Jr.
(1925 – 1990) American entertainer
Characteristics
Insults
People
Success
Celebrity
Racism
We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm.
Winston Churchill
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
People
Self
Page 60 of 129
« First
« Previous
58
59
60
61
62
Next »
Last »