Subject: People (Page 60)

Egotism: Usually a case of mistaken nonentity.

(1907 – 1990) American actress

We are the people our parents warned us about.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman

The Bible declares that on the sixth day God created man; right then and there, God should have demanded a damage deposit.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author

A man who goes into a supermarket for a few items would rather walk around balancing them than put them in one of those little baskets.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There’s a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there’s a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

Babies are the only people I actually trust as far as I can throw them.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

The French like burgers, Madonna and Miami Vice.

(1955 – ) French President & politician

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

It requires a surgical operation to get a joke well into a Scotch understanding.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman

Why is it old people say, ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one…

British comedian

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

(1837 – 1920) American author

Women are not forgiven for aging; Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

In order to make a man or boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.

The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.

(1918 – 1986) American lyricist