Subject: People » Women (Page 8)

Ask any woman her age, and nine times out of ten she’ll guess wrong.

comedian
Age People Women

Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.

Fools Intelligence Men People Women

You might be a redneck if… you go to the family reunion to meet women.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Women

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating People Relationships Situations Women

Trust me, ladies, if you knew even for a second how we men really look at you, you would never stop slapping us.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

Taste: (female Interpretation): Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good;   (male Interpretation): Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

Definitions Men People Women

When men reach their sixties and retire they go to pieces; women just go on cooking.


Age Men Old People Women

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat People Women

Nymphomaniac:  a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Men People Sex Women

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Girls Marriage Men People Women

You [women] like mystery, ‘cause it’s not a mystery to you; you know when you’re gonna get laid.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
People Sex Women

She plucked from my lapel the invisible strand of lint (the universal act of women to proclaim ownership).

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
People Relationships Women

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Things Women

The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on woman.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Characteristics Women

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

Appearance Body Murphy’s Laws Places Women World

Don’t knock coronaries… they’re all we women have got to guarantee us a prosperous and exciting middle age.

(1932 – 2000) English author & academic
Health People Women

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Men People Relationships Women

I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal – high enough so you can look up her dress.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
People Women

You know that look women get when they want sex… me, neither.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
People Sex Women

The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: 1. a date, 2.his wife, 3. a better looking and richer male friend.

Dating Men Murphy’s Laws Relationships Women

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women: it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions.

American actor & comedian
Men Sex Women