Subject: Work » Occupations

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

(1892 – 1984) American publisher
Occupations Work

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Money Occupations Time Work

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl's tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.

Golf Occupations Sports Work

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Since I didn't want to go round mugging old ladies or robbing banks, I took up boxing.

English boxer
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions Occupations Wordplay Work

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Occupations Wordplay Work

[Critics] search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Communication Occupations Work

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations

Hardening and Tempering Engineers’ Tools

Book Titles Occupations Work

History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.

(1889 – 1944) English historian
History Occupations Time

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

It’s just a job; grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand… I beat people up.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. – unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

(1928 – ) American R&B and rock & roll singer-songwriter
Education Occupations School Work

The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? … plutonium hat model.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
Occupations Work

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work