Subject: Work » Occupations

A consultant is someone you pay a hundred-dollars-an-hour to give you the same advice you ignore from your assistant.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Occupations People Work

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

Working at the Job center has to be a tense job… knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.


Occupations Work

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author
Occupations Work

Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.

Definitions Occupations

Those who cannot teach – administrate.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.

(1889 – 1944) English historian
History Occupations Time

I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there’s not a lot of teaching involved in that.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Occupations Work

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

Putting an ex-fighter in the business world is like putting silk stockings on a pig.

boxing manager, trainer & cornerman
Boxing Occupations Sports

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Occupations Work

She was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Sailors ought never to go to church; they ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Occupations Work

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that’s working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he’d do it; in government, you don’t have to worry about that.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
Characteristics Government Occupations People Work

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Occupations Work