Subject: Work (Page 10)

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports

Ninety-nine per cent of the work of the professional bodyguard consisted of one activity: frowning.

(1949 – ) English novelist
Occupations Work

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Government Lawyers Occupations Work

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Government Money Taxes Work

Those who cannot teach – administrate.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

‘Employee of the month’ is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Work

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work

There are two essential rules of management:
One: the customer is always right.
Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Work

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

The probability of arriving at the job site without a needed tool or with the wrong hardware are directly proportional with the square of the travel distance.
Corollary: You will always have what you need when the job is next to your shop.

Murphy’s Laws Things Work

I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Work

When all else fails, try the boss's suggestion.

Murphy’s Laws Work

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Housework Work

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Individuals Work

The one who says it can’t be done shouldn’t interrupt the one doing it.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist
Lawyers Occupations

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Work

An actor is the kind of guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.

(1910 – 1984) American film producer & publicist
Acting Entertainment Occupations

A toastmaster is a man who eats a meal he doesn’t want so he can get up and tell a lot of stories he doesn’t remember to people who’ve already heard them.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer
Communication Occupations People Work

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work