Subject: Work (Page 7)

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Housework Women Work

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Definitions Work

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Work

People are still willing to do an honest day's work; the trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Money Time Work

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

It's on the other side.

Things Work

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Occupations Wordplay Work

Incompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed. And naturally the individual’s staff needs will increase as his level of incompetence increases.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.

(1863 – 1947) automobile industrialist
Intelligence Thinking Work

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

Murphy’s Laws Work

What’s interesting about sports writers is that they don’t know how to play sports, and a lot of them don’t know how to write.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Occupations Taxes

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

People who work putting shoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision.

(1946 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

(1925 – ) writer
Success Work

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

Time Work