Author: Anonymous Page 100

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Definitions

“Look at my shiny kitchen floor”, said Tom, waxing enthusiastic.

Tom Swifties

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

Tom Swifties

“We’d like a table for two,” said Tom without reservation.

Tom Swifties

Yawn: Opening one’s mouth and wishing that others would close theirs.

Definitions

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

Age Exaggerations Old

Theres no grass burning under this project.

Mixed metaphors

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

… one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her aviary.

Health Malaprops

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Definitions

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.

Cooking Definitions

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

People

“It’s just gold leaf”, said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties