Author: Anonymous Page 100

Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Definitions People

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“That city will never be rebuilt,” the prophets babble on.


Tom Swifties

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.

Malaprops

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

Antique: An object that has made a round trip to the attic.

Definitions Things

She is going to join the gym to lose some weights.

Activities Exercise Misspokements

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions

Faster than a dog's tail in a meat market.

Expressions Time

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Activities Honesty Lies

I'm proud of my humility.

Characteristics

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions