Author: Anonymous Page 101

Amnesia: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Definitions

“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.

Tom Swifties

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Characteristics Intelligence

You might think the Channel Islands are a backwater.

Mixed metaphors

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Tom Swifties

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Marriage Men People Sex Women

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

“Unlike you, I’ve always been a dog person,” he barked.

Tom Swifties

I rented The Cool Surface last week; words can't describe how awful it is. I'm a big Teri Hatcher fan, but a rental… is $2.75 thrown down the drain. Save your money by reading the attached plot synopsis: 
[WARNING: spoiler follows] Teri Hatcher has breasts. They look OK.

Reviews/Criticism

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

It is so hot… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

Characteristics Expressions Situations

Wisdom: Knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

Run it up the flag pole and see what sticks.

Mixed metaphors

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night… Mendelsson lost.

Entertainment Music

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations