Author: Anonymous Page 18

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Boy, that’s an ugly hippopotamus!” said Tom hypocritically.

Tom Swifties

Bay: A body of water surrounded by restaurants.

Definitions Places

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

She is so stupid… she took a blood test and failed.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

“These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets,” said Tom apologetically.

Tom Swifties

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

“Would anyone like some Parmesan?” asked Tom gratingly.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve been waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

“I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner,” said Tom succinctly.

Tom Swifties

“I feel a draft,” Tom said coolly.

Tom Swifties

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

Tom Swifties

“So only one person arrived at the party before I did?” Tom second-guessed.

Tom Swifties

“They had to amputate them both at the ankles,” said Tom defeatedly.

Tom Swifties

Upgraded and Improved: Didn't work the second time.

Definitions Situations Things

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops