Author: Anonymous Page 18

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

I'd like to give you a going-away present… but you have to do your part.

Insults

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

Beliefs Government

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

“I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.

Tom Swifties

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

“Some of my windows were broken in the storm,” he said, pained.

Tom Swifties

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties

Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.

Beliefs Definitions Facts Science/Weather

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Beliefs Communication Language

You’d be a overweight neurotic fighter too if your name was Shirley Crabtree.

Sports

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Fat: Energy gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat

“You find it very large?” said Mr. Podsnap, spaciously

Tom Swifties

Blushing: The color of virtue.

Definitions