Author: Anonymous Page 19

Print the bulletins and get the information decimated.

Malaprops

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Beliefs Proverbs

Virginity is a balloon in the carnival of life, that vanishes with the first prick.

Sex

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Definitions

“I didn’t do well in the test,” Tom said degradedly.

Tom Swifties

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Communication Language

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Definitions Wordplay

“I always eat at McDonald’s”, said Tom archly.

Tom Swifties

That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus.

Malaprops People

When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts

Mixed metaphors

Money is the roof of all evil.

Malaprops

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Definitions Wordplay

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

Definitions

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs; I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Appearance

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time

“If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse,” Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties