Author: Anonymous Page 19

A circle is a line of no depth running round a point forever.

Science/Weather

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

Insults

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Bureaucracy: The art of making the possible seem impossible.

Definitions

They burnt the midnight candle to resolve the issues.

Mixed metaphors

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

“Don’t let me drown in Egypt!” pleaded Tom, deep in denial.

Tom Swifties

Deep pockets… short arms

Expressions

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

Tom Swifties

“We have no oranges,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Definitions Education School

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties