Author: Anonymous Page 3

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Tom Swifties

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you’re right – then let the matter drop.

Beliefs

“There must be a power cut,” said Tom delightedly.

Tom Swifties

They’re diabolically opposed.

Malaprops

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

We’ll do this individually as a group.

Mixed metaphors

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

“My cat George is my dearest friend,” Tabitha purred.

Tom Swifties

Wink: A whether signal.

Definitions

Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government