Author: Anonymous Page 3

Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Definitions Money

The Norwegian language has been described as German spoken underwater.

Communication Language Places

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs; I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Appearance

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Tom Swifties

He was going to line up his ducks in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Beliefs

He’s got more dollars than cents.

Expressions Intelligence

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

“My giant sea creature died,” Tom wailed blubberingly.

Tom Swifties

We could stand here and talk until the cows turn blue.

Mixed metaphors

I thought it might be a good idea for you to check base with him.

Mixed metaphors

“The vegetables are overcooked!” she steamed.

Tom Swifties

“There’s nothing wrong with demons,” Tom said implicitly.

Tom Swifties

The light at the end of the tunnel is only muzzle flash.

Mixed metaphors