Author: Anonymous Page 35

Vacation: A change of routine that makes you feel good enough to go back to work and poor enough to have to.

Definitions

“Zoos are a necessary evil, I think,” said Tom cagily.

Tom Swifties

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Malaprops

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

It takes a real talent to be able to apologize in a manner that makes the offended person feel guilty.

Characteristics Communication

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

An unwatched pot boils immediately.

Murphy’s Laws

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

Tomorrow: What always comes but never arrives.

Definitions Future Time

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

“This is where I keep my arrows,” said Tom quiveringly.

Tom Swifties

“I won’t stand for painting,” said Tom uneasily.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops