Author: Anonymous Page 35

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Mixed metaphors

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

It's a big nut to swallow.

Mixed metaphors

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

“I can talk faster than you,” Tom expressed.

Tom Swifties

So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.

Miscellaneous

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

Medical Insurance: What allows people to be ill at ease.

Wordplay

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

He could sell socks to a rooster.

Communication Expressions

“This flower’s empty,” the drone said belatedly.

Tom Swifties

“My fellow Americans,” boomed Ronald Reagan, “I have just signed legislation to outlaw the state of Russia for ever…”

Tom Swifties

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

Alone… in bad company

Insults

Zebra: A horse behind bars.

Animals Definitions

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions