Author: Anonymous Page 50

You can’t change the spots on an old dog.

Mixed metaphors

You don't have to beat it with a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.

Tom Swifties

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

“These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets,” said Tom apologetically.

Tom Swifties

He's a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things

We certainly don't want to rock the apple cart.

Mixed metaphors

An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original.

Ideas Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I see myself as an open-minded person,” Tom said upon reflection.

Tom Swifties

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

Weed: A plant whose virtues have not been discovered.

Definitions