Author: Anonymous Page 50

“Perhaps I will,” said Tom with all his might.

Tom Swifties

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Food/Drink Situations

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Beliefs Proverbs

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.

Mixed metaphors

I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Life Proverbs

He reads like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions

“I could stand to lose 50% of my body weight”, said Tom affably.

Tom Swifties

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

You could just charm the dew off of a honey suckle.

Expressions

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

“I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner,” said Tom succinctly.

Tom Swifties

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions

e-mail: An advertising medium which is misused for personal messaging.

Communication Definitions

“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.

Tom Swifties

A rolling stone gathers no moths.

Malaprops