Author: Anonymous Page 66

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

“I’ve never had a car accident,” said Tom recklessly.

Tom Swifties

It's so flat you can look down the road and see the back of your head!

Expressions Places

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Our organization really frowns down on that.

Mixed metaphors

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Angler: A man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.

Activities Definitions

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.

Tom Swifties

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

Definitions Golf Sports

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

He looks like the hindquarters of bad luck.

Appearance Expressions

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

People Women