Author: Anonymous Page 66

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

“I see myself as an open-minded person,” Tom said upon reflection.

Tom Swifties

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Around here, it's always feast or phantom.

Malaprops

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

“Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.

Tom Swifties

“I could stand to lose 50% of my body weight”, said Tom affably.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve paid my annual subscription,” Tom remembered.

Tom Swifties

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m on the green,” Tom lied.

Tom Swifties

He’s wearing a tomahawk haircut.

Malaprops

“I wouldn’t like anything but just that,” said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

Adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.

Age

He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

Miscellaneous

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.

Money Things

“The stock market’s going up,” said Tom bullishly.

Tom Swifties

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

“I haven’t had my photographs developed yet,” said Tom negatively.

Tom Swifties