Author: Anonymous Page 7

Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus.

Definitions

“I’ve been having an incontinence problem,” Tom gushed.

Tom Swifties

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time

Even a spotted pig looks black at night.

Expressions Situations

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Bureaucracy is based on a willingness to either pass the buck or spend it.

Government

People will blow smoke and mirrors at you.

Mixed metaphors

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

This is up my wheelhouse.

Mixed metaphors

Have no delusions about the past.

Malaprops

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

Some people pay their bills when due, some when overdue, and some never do.

Money

It's got lots of installation.

Appearance Clothing Malaprops

Between closed walls

Mixed metaphors

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Definitions People

Dignity: Something that can’t be preserved in alcohol.

Definitions

You're making a mountain out of a Mohawk.

Malaprops

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

She is going to join the gym to lose some weights.

Activities Exercise Misspokements