Author: Anonymous Page 7

The most dangerous killer in the animals of crime.

Malaprops

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Problems

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Death

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Executive: A big gun – that hasn’t been fired yet.

Definitions

Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.

Characteristics Money

Money can't buy everything… but then again, neither can no money.

Money

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

Eating Expressions Food/Drink Money Poverty

“I wonder if this will unlock the palace gates,” said Tom kinkily.

Tom Swifties

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.

Mixed metaphors

They live in a two-storage house.

Malaprops

The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Success

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

To the max degree

Mixed metaphors